Your partner is never a project.
There is a quote that is circulating the internet that goes something like "I want a partner, not a project."
Feminists and spiritual lady gangsters the world over are rejoicing in feeling seen and heard in their resentment about carrying men in relationship for centuries upon seeing this meme.
And I suppose that's a necessary phase of development, but not the one I think most people interpret it as.
This is not an invitation to be justified in ditching men who seem like "too much work" but rather, an opportunity for you to take a cold hard look at how you've been complicit in the carrying (at no fault of your own - after all, we were definitely socialized this way), where you've been harboring resentment about that (because hindsight is always 20/20), and to thoroughly investigate a healthier way of relating that exalts BOTH sexes (hetero and gender normativity used for ease of communication, but this applies to all relationship pairings).
The moral of the story (spoiler alert!) is that when you see your partner as a project, you dehumanize him, and invite him into behavior that validates exactly that. It literally perpetuates the thing you say you don't want, and repels the thing you say you do.
***He simply cannot grow under those circumstances.***
My dear sisters, YES, we have been objectified for centuries. It fucking blows. And we know that from personal experience. Our ancestors have been persecuted for multiple generations just for being women and we feel the travesty of that in our cells. We are being called right now to shift the tides in a major way. But the solution to this problem is NOT to turn the tables 180 degrees and objectify men back.
Make no mistake, that sort of imbalance will not serve humanity or the planet, or even you, at all. This is not a time for revenge, or even redemption. It is a time of adjustment, modeling another way, and most importantly, of compassion.
This requires us to know ourselves wholly, every goddamn inch, FIRST. Don't like your outside circumstances? Don't like the men you're attracting into your life? Take a look inside first before you make it about him.
Once you've done that, the solution is to conjure the king in your man, so that he is inspired to show up for you in the way YOU BOTH so desperately want him to.
Only then can you take your throne as the rightful queen that you are.