Empathy and codependency are not the same thing.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Try not to confuse empathy with codependence. They are NOT the same thing.
If you experience yourself being ruled by what you feel from others, yes, you may be empathic and an HSP, or even clairsentient, AND, this is a sign you have deep work to do, and there are a whole lot of good people in the world who are equipped to help you with that.
With your attachment, with your need to control, with your avoidance and escapism, with the unhealed parts of you that get snagged when other people have and express their feelings, with your addiction to feeling ruled by your and their feelings, with the emotional volatility that tends to come with all of this that you probably don't have the language for.
You are not alone. And you need help. And you can't help yourself with this stuff by reading a book or following insightful people on social media and consuming their posts like candy.
I'm sorry — TRUST ME I WISH YOU COULD — but the sort of healing required in this outfit comes from DEEP connection in a SAFE container. It requires you to take overt action that both sets you up to receive the true profound support you need and to surrender enough to see the stuff you can't see yourself with someone who has the skill to hold you there.
Because the reason you're codependent is because there was once a time where you weren't safe and didn't get the holding you needed. You may not even think you had trauma as a child, but somehow, you've developed a traumatic response to connection.
Trying to solve this by reading a book or doing some writing exercises online or liking a really great facebook post hoping it'll somehow jam its way into the spot you can't see that is crippling your life without you really knowing it is sort of like fumbling around in the basement without a light.
A skilled coach functions a lot like a flashlight.
A coaching container is a powerful place for healing, and EVEN THEN you may want to pair a coaching container with trauma recovery work, family constellation, recovery and step work with a sponsor, bodywork and other somatic therapies, spiritual work with shamans, counseling, workshops, AND reading.
This is what it looks like to be comprehensive about growth and healing. This is what it looks like to take responsibility for your incredible power. And this doesn't ever mean you're broken and incapable. It means you're taking care of your needs so that you can be of better service in the world (beyond yourself, your problems, and your suffering).
And given the current outlook, it's really looking like the world needs you to do this work sooner rather than later.
What are you waiting for?